That man's thoughts on life transitions

So this week has been quiet. This week has been torture.
It hasn't been quiet in the sense that I've had nothing to do. It was actually a very busy week, but no, it's been quiet as far as opportunities. and when opportunities dry up, the questions begin to drip on you like water torture.
You see, I'm in transition. I have been an RD for 9 years. What is an RD you ask? Well it would take a long time to explain, but suffice it to say: I live where I work, I work where I live. My job provides me with a home, and as time has gone on, we (My wife and I) have arrived at the truth that we need to leave our job. It's not that this job hasn't been good to us. I mean Shoot, I've been here nine years. No, the job has been a Godsend, but it just has become time. This means that I'm not only going to be unemployed in a couple of months but, I'm also going to be homeless. We are truly trusting that God is leading us to leave. Our hearts, confirm this. Our friends/family and trusted counselors confirm this. Shoot, the fact that both my wife and I agree on this confirms something. We are trusting God here and yet, it is true, we are in transition.
And transition is terrifying. My wife had this conversation with someone the other day who said: "Wow how exciting, now you get to see God at work and to see how he will provide and to see what he will do!!" I totally am appreciative of this sentiment and the excitement. I've actually heard the same phrase from some other people when I tell them of our situation, but to be honest I feel a millions miles away from excitement. If it was just my wife and I, I would be like: "Okay we'll find some cheap place to live, eat top ramen and beans, and just live on love man. But with two kids, there are other things to consider". I'm okay struggling, I don't want my kids to though.
I guess it comes down to this place where we are being forced to stand behind the truth of our beliefs. What I mean here is that I am really forced to ask the questions: "God, do I really believe you are there? Yes...... Do I really believe you are calling me to leave? Yes.....Do I really believe you are capable of coming through here? Yes." Well of course I do and yet, then again isn't it one thing to have a mental belief on something but then to stand on it with your life? to stake a claim on it and say: "I believe this and will trust it! I will stand on this with my family. I will risk on this."
That is what we are doing. we are in transition, staking a claim, putting our sword in the dirt next to God and saying: "Okay, here we go.....so where are we going again?"

Transition....

By the way, I think I should add that recently we turned down a job that seemed like a sure thing. This was the second job offer we turned down, because it didn't seem right. We just didn't feel confirmed that this is where God was leading. Even as I write this, I sense the sheer foolishness of what I'm saying. There's a voice inside of me saying: "dude you are a fool". But then again, isn't life full of moments that are foolish? Maybe if we spend our whole life trying not to be "fools", we end up making larger asses of ourselves than we would have otherwise. I mean, what is a fool anyways?
So we turned down another job opportunity, and though we have worked to build connections, inroads with job opportunities, right now, the conversations have gone away, the world is quiet and God feels silent. but I'm not sure if he has been.
Recently I've been given an image in my mind. A picture of the story of the Israelites as God was leaidng them in the book of Joshua. The israelites were in transition! The story tells of these men commanded to carry the ark of the covenant as they crossed the Jordan. As it goes, these men are carrying the ark of the covenant towards the river and the commandment was, they were just to keep going, that they would lead everybody and carry this ark right into the jordan river and the promise was that once their feet touched the water's edge, the jordan, which was flooding at that time of year, would suddenly part and they would walk on dry ground. Can you imagine being these dudes carrying the ark. I winder if maybe, at some point they wondered: "Hey is this really what we're supposed to be doing? Is God really there? Is he really calling us to do this? Can he really part the waters? Are we just fools?" But the story tells how the water did part.
shoot, maybe I'm a fool. Maybe it's crazy. But I wonder if we get the chance to see the waters part only when we put ourselves on the water's edge, and we pray and hope like crazy!
cuz right now, we're walking with the ark on our backs, the Jordan is swirling and rushing somewhere in front of us.
transitions.....