I just recently discovered something that makes me almost instantly envious.
Parkour
What is this? It's also called "free running".
Why should I be envious of this? Yes I know it doesn't make alot of sense. Seeing as the activity called "Running" is never something I would classify as something where I feel "free". No, for the entire duration of said "Running"; I feel as if I am imprisoned by forces like gravity; and entropy (see creaky ankles Or Cankles). No Running is not free for me but...
These guys doing parkour (French for making spider man look like a fat raider fan) are running around free from the laws of gravity and reason. Just turn on youtube and type in "parkour", and you'll see what I mean; guys swinging around flying from bar to bar like spider monkeys, flipping off walls like...uh..more spider monkeys and running down the street, kicking their legs in front of them as the fly over a wall. Like a spider monkey.
They climb up the sides of buildings!! not walls, not stairs, buildings, then they run and do handstands on rooftops and jump from 30 feet up, hit the ground and roll and then...Keep running.
Every boy I know has once dreamt they could fly. Some even stood on their rooftops, with cardboard taped to their arms, jumped and flapped their wings furiously only to come crashing to earth, but somewhere along the way a little french boy jumped, hit the ground and rolled forward in a graceful somersault and he thought to himself: "Sacre bleu I Deed EEt!"
Here's the thing. I see parkour guys doing their thing and I am instantly envious. I want to run up the sides of walls! I want to swing from pole to pole and jump through thin window sills without getting stuck. I want to be able to run and look like a cheetah and I leap over tables, walls, small children, buses; alligator filled bogs; and redwoods! I want that freedom! I think something about it makes me feel more than free. It makes me feel super human! like an xmen.
What would I do if I was a parkour stud? I think i'd use it to freak people out. I walk around in a downtown area and in front of all these plebeian commonplace humans sitting out front of a coffee shop sipping their lattes I'd scream, "Aahh no, they told me it didn't have caffeine!! and then i'd go crazy and just jump over a building", or I'd be walking by a wall and start screaming: "Shut up! Shut up, i'll kick you you circus animal" then I'd kick at my imaginary foe and then scream while standing on one leg: "Let me go you fool!!!" And then run full out into a wll but right before i slam myself flat I step up, run up the wall and gracefully flip over, then I assume my stance and yell: "You're gonna have to do better than that"! Then stop and walk away.
I could do all kinds of crazy stuff with parkour!!! I'd jump off a roof and land in front of ome old women and say: "Hello...Am i here? You mean i'm back? What time is it? 5pm? You mean it took no time? It didn't exist in time?" Then i look at the sky and say: "Bye.."
As you can see, parkour is ridiculously awesome and I am super envious. unfortunately gravity, and cankles form an ominous wall between me and running free... But I'm working hard and some day i'll get there. so for now, I watch youtube Russian ninjas and try handstands when nobody is looking....in a pool. Cuz i'm parkour like that!!!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
That man's thoughts on my neighbors
We have officially moved. we have left the womb called Biola. my neighbors are no longer screaming college kids.....they are screaming drunken fifty year old unemployed men. Seriously, last weekend, saturday night, I was kept awake by four people on their patio barely able to stand, barely able to converse without cursing and barely able to keep from vomitting. One of the guys basically spewed all over the deck.
It's really quite interesting. I sat there, clandestinely watching them through the blinds of my window, trying to decide what to do: should I walk out on my patio and tell them "Hey, shut up you cads!!!", then bravely run back inside? Maybe I should walk over to their patio as they try to clean up their friends honk and avoid it showering upon me as they dump it over the side of their patio onto the street below (Yea...they did that..), and then say: "Uh...Yea...Do you guys think you might take this classy little soiree into your apartment because that would greatly reduce the noise level"? Perhaps I should put on my black ninja pajamas (they are white with little black ninjas on them..i mean c'mon, why would you have black ninja jammies with black ninjas on them, then you couldn't see the ninjas...Unless of course the ninjas were white, but if they were white, then they wouldn't be very effective at night, which we all know ninjas do their best work at night...assassins you know), and skulk in the shadows, shimmy up a drainage pipe, avoid the previously mentioned vomit spilling from above, and knock them out one by one as I pull them into the shadows... But then again, i was quite sore from helping my friend move earlier in the day, and the chik-fil a I karate chopped earlier was not acting very feng shui at the moment.
or maybe i should select the easiest of all choices... Call the cops. I mean here's the reality: these guys aren't going to listen to reason..they are vomitting. The cops can come over and shut things down. But whom do I call? 911? the city police department?
I gotta admit, this felt like a chicken poop way to go. Kind of cowardly. I never had to deal with this at Biola, ironically living with college students but it is a dry campus. So what do i do?
I'll tell you what I did!!! I grabbed my sudoku book and waited it out. That's what i did! very brave huh? Yea, i showed them!!! I dominated that sudoku puzzle, I laughed at it's simplistic form. I made that puzzle suffer all the while direct my vehement energies through my quivering pencil. The puzzle didn't stand a chance and my fifty year old neighbors finally had enough at 12:30 am.
Yea,....I showed them. now it's friday. it's the weekend and they probably will be getting their party on again. sigh...Well, better sharpen my pencils...
It's really quite interesting. I sat there, clandestinely watching them through the blinds of my window, trying to decide what to do: should I walk out on my patio and tell them "Hey, shut up you cads!!!", then bravely run back inside? Maybe I should walk over to their patio as they try to clean up their friends honk and avoid it showering upon me as they dump it over the side of their patio onto the street below (Yea...they did that..), and then say: "Uh...Yea...Do you guys think you might take this classy little soiree into your apartment because that would greatly reduce the noise level"? Perhaps I should put on my black ninja pajamas (they are white with little black ninjas on them..i mean c'mon, why would you have black ninja jammies with black ninjas on them, then you couldn't see the ninjas...Unless of course the ninjas were white, but if they were white, then they wouldn't be very effective at night, which we all know ninjas do their best work at night...assassins you know), and skulk in the shadows, shimmy up a drainage pipe, avoid the previously mentioned vomit spilling from above, and knock them out one by one as I pull them into the shadows... But then again, i was quite sore from helping my friend move earlier in the day, and the chik-fil a I karate chopped earlier was not acting very feng shui at the moment.
or maybe i should select the easiest of all choices... Call the cops. I mean here's the reality: these guys aren't going to listen to reason..they are vomitting. The cops can come over and shut things down. But whom do I call? 911? the city police department?
I gotta admit, this felt like a chicken poop way to go. Kind of cowardly. I never had to deal with this at Biola, ironically living with college students but it is a dry campus. So what do i do?
I'll tell you what I did!!! I grabbed my sudoku book and waited it out. That's what i did! very brave huh? Yea, i showed them!!! I dominated that sudoku puzzle, I laughed at it's simplistic form. I made that puzzle suffer all the while direct my vehement energies through my quivering pencil. The puzzle didn't stand a chance and my fifty year old neighbors finally had enough at 12:30 am.
Yea,....I showed them. now it's friday. it's the weekend and they probably will be getting their party on again. sigh...Well, better sharpen my pencils...
Friday, June 11, 2010
that man's thoughts on endings
I'm currently sitting on a mattress in an empty apartment...well, empty except for the mattress....
My cough echoes off the walls that were once covered by furniture or pictures. Now the room is empty and man how my voice carries in here.
This apartment is mine. well, it's my apartment for three more days and then i will finally hand the keys over to my boss. I will contact the IT department and tell them to come get my old computer so they can scrub it clean and store it in some room in the bowels of an undisclosed building on campus maybe. And like that, my career as a Resident director will be over. The ending of an Era has officially, irrevocably, inexorably arrived.
But for now I sit writing this blog on a mattress in an empty apartment reflecting on all I experienced here. In some ways I feel a little lacking in the feeling department when it comes to my reflections. I think maybe I should be crying or feeling deep overwhelming sadness, mourning the loss of this place. To be sure, I did love it here. I loved my job. and i' excited for a new chapter. It's so weird: a few days ago, I was in my office doing some cleaning and a student came up to me and asked me if I was the RD. I said "Yes". I don't know why I didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise. To be honest, It wasn't because I secretly wished I still was, but rather I didn't know how to explain what I had really become. A man stuck between two worlds, yesterday and tomorrow. The present is a waiting place and if you remember what doctor seuss says:
My cough echoes off the walls that were once covered by furniture or pictures. Now the room is empty and man how my voice carries in here.
This apartment is mine. well, it's my apartment for three more days and then i will finally hand the keys over to my boss. I will contact the IT department and tell them to come get my old computer so they can scrub it clean and store it in some room in the bowels of an undisclosed building on campus maybe. And like that, my career as a Resident director will be over. The ending of an Era has officially, irrevocably, inexorably arrived.
But for now I sit writing this blog on a mattress in an empty apartment reflecting on all I experienced here. In some ways I feel a little lacking in the feeling department when it comes to my reflections. I think maybe I should be crying or feeling deep overwhelming sadness, mourning the loss of this place. To be sure, I did love it here. I loved my job. and i' excited for a new chapter. It's so weird: a few days ago, I was in my office doing some cleaning and a student came up to me and asked me if I was the RD. I said "Yes". I don't know why I didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise. To be honest, It wasn't because I secretly wished I still was, but rather I didn't know how to explain what I had really become. A man stuck between two worlds, yesterday and tomorrow. The present is a waiting place and if you remember what doctor seuss says:
The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.
Yea, that's the present these days, waiting for tomorrow. Anyway, the student asks me if I'm the RD. The answer is: "well, uh, no technically I'm not, but I still have the keys, still have the office, still have the sign over the door, still have some furniture left to move, a stove to scrub, a reimbursement check to pick up (Yea!). No, That would be too much a pain in the butt, so I just say: 'Yea I'm him", then the student proceeds to tell me he works for campus safety and I've parked my car in an unacceptable fashion. I smile and tell him I'll move it in a few minutes. I won't miss that.
But i will miss this apartment. i will miss having the couch along THAT wall, and the picture of that lemon tree that stood guard over our kitchen table. I'll miss the backyard that seemed to be impossible to keep tidy because of all the pine needles continually shedding from the huge pine tree in the backyard. Heck I might even miss the stomping of men on the floor above us like tribal drumbeats at any part of the day...Naw actually I won't miss that crap at all..:)
It's weird to be in the place of ending. I know tomorrow is just around the bend, but this ending has got me beginning something new and in the meantime I'm waiting in the present, on a mattress in an empty apartment, a shadow of what once was and a reminder of what is now true....this is no longer my home. I'm not coming back. I'm standing on the precipice of something new. It's kind of a sacred place really.
I want to say "Thank you" to Biola... These last eighteen years as a student and employee have been an absolute gift. I'm grateful to be on this mattress; grateful there is a new home, new challenges and new memories to build.
Monday, May 10, 2010
That man's thoughts on idols...
In the religious tradition I come from, we talk about how we can place certain things in our lives that become idols, things we worship over what is most important. I have sometimes wondered: "How do we really know when something has become an idol to us?" Well perhaps what happened to me today is a good description.
I must say, I think we can know something has become an idol to us when it becomes a part of our decision making, maybe even becomes part of our natural responses even when it shouldn't be. I know this doesn't totally make sense so let me illustrate.
today i was eating lunch with my friend Charlotte. We had just finished and were walking in front to our next destinations when this lady walks towards us and begins to stumble. The heel of her shoe got caught in a groove in the concrete causing her shoe to twist and throw off her balance.
A perplexed look crossed the ladies face as she began to stumble. she was probably in her late forties, early fifties, a bit overweight, and dressed nicely. I say this to point to the fact that she was not an athletic person, and it was likely that she had not done many acrobatic kinds of things in quite some time. I don't mean to be rude here, she looked like a grandma who's best athletic years seemed to be behind her and thus stumbling and catching herself might be more challenging for her than someone twenty years her junior.
everything seemed to pay out in slow motion. It was like a big redwood being chopped over. the axe digs splinters the wood, the tree cracks and slowly the tree begins to sway, then it starts to lean, then it starts to move, all the while filling the air with cracks and snaps. At first one who watches the tree may not be certain if anything is happening, but in a matter of moments, it becomes apparent that the tree is coming down. This is kind of how the lady went. The shoes twisted, she looked perplexed and began to lean. A quick huffle of feet did not dorrect the slight lean which became a larger lean, which led to a more pronounced lean and an utterance of primal exclamation which usually is either an expletive or just a guttural noise. In her case it was: "UUUUUUUHHHHHHH!"
Charlotte and I watched this lady stumbling towards us and for a moment I wasn't sure if she'd need my help, but her momentum began to pick up and she was heading right towards me. At the last minute, I reached out my right hand, that ahd my keys in it and slid it under her right armpit. This helped steady her. She said thank you, and to many aroudn us, I was a hero.
I actually felt good about myself until i played the scene again in my head like Tom Cruise in the Last Samurai. and this is where my intial point about idols comes in to this story.
In my replay, i see the lady, dressed in her black flower print blouse, black slacks and wide heeled black dress shoes, stumbling towards me, her momentume carrying her inevitably towards me, or destruction. Replay me is wondering if she needs my help. Replay me barely has time to think, it is really only a time for instinct. Replay me reaches his right hand out and this is not the part that disturbs me. it's what i do with my left hand...
You see, in my left hand was a big 32 oz cup of coca cola. In this brief instinctual moment, one could see my priority, for as my right hand was reaching out, (the hand that was holding my keys by the way), my left hand was sliding the cola away as if to protect it!
Do you see the idolatry? would a normal person who did not idolize cola simply throw it away and do their best to help this dear lady? I think they might. but i'm not a normal person, In one simultaneous and instinctual moment, I reached out with one hand to help the lady in distress but made darn sure with the other that my Cola would be safe. How dear has cola become to me? It was like: "Help the lady...Protect the Cola!!!!!"
I think it is little moments like these that sometimes tell us of our idolatry. Little moments where we do things to protect something we love even though it would be better if we didn't. I mean c'mon, it's not like they wouldn't have given me a free refill.
Well, I gotta conclude and say, many around me told me I was a hero, but I knew the truth. I am a hero who worships at the altar of Cola..... It just goes to show you, While doing a dangerous activity around me, make sure i don't have Cola near me, you never know...You might be on your own.... :(
I must say, I think we can know something has become an idol to us when it becomes a part of our decision making, maybe even becomes part of our natural responses even when it shouldn't be. I know this doesn't totally make sense so let me illustrate.
today i was eating lunch with my friend Charlotte. We had just finished and were walking in front to our next destinations when this lady walks towards us and begins to stumble. The heel of her shoe got caught in a groove in the concrete causing her shoe to twist and throw off her balance.
A perplexed look crossed the ladies face as she began to stumble. she was probably in her late forties, early fifties, a bit overweight, and dressed nicely. I say this to point to the fact that she was not an athletic person, and it was likely that she had not done many acrobatic kinds of things in quite some time. I don't mean to be rude here, she looked like a grandma who's best athletic years seemed to be behind her and thus stumbling and catching herself might be more challenging for her than someone twenty years her junior.
everything seemed to pay out in slow motion. It was like a big redwood being chopped over. the axe digs splinters the wood, the tree cracks and slowly the tree begins to sway, then it starts to lean, then it starts to move, all the while filling the air with cracks and snaps. At first one who watches the tree may not be certain if anything is happening, but in a matter of moments, it becomes apparent that the tree is coming down. This is kind of how the lady went. The shoes twisted, she looked perplexed and began to lean. A quick huffle of feet did not dorrect the slight lean which became a larger lean, which led to a more pronounced lean and an utterance of primal exclamation which usually is either an expletive or just a guttural noise. In her case it was: "UUUUUUUHHHHHHH!"
Charlotte and I watched this lady stumbling towards us and for a moment I wasn't sure if she'd need my help, but her momentum began to pick up and she was heading right towards me. At the last minute, I reached out my right hand, that ahd my keys in it and slid it under her right armpit. This helped steady her. She said thank you, and to many aroudn us, I was a hero.
I actually felt good about myself until i played the scene again in my head like Tom Cruise in the Last Samurai. and this is where my intial point about idols comes in to this story.
In my replay, i see the lady, dressed in her black flower print blouse, black slacks and wide heeled black dress shoes, stumbling towards me, her momentume carrying her inevitably towards me, or destruction. Replay me is wondering if she needs my help. Replay me barely has time to think, it is really only a time for instinct. Replay me reaches his right hand out and this is not the part that disturbs me. it's what i do with my left hand...
You see, in my left hand was a big 32 oz cup of coca cola. In this brief instinctual moment, one could see my priority, for as my right hand was reaching out, (the hand that was holding my keys by the way), my left hand was sliding the cola away as if to protect it!
Do you see the idolatry? would a normal person who did not idolize cola simply throw it away and do their best to help this dear lady? I think they might. but i'm not a normal person, In one simultaneous and instinctual moment, I reached out with one hand to help the lady in distress but made darn sure with the other that my Cola would be safe. How dear has cola become to me? It was like: "Help the lady...Protect the Cola!!!!!"
I think it is little moments like these that sometimes tell us of our idolatry. Little moments where we do things to protect something we love even though it would be better if we didn't. I mean c'mon, it's not like they wouldn't have given me a free refill.
Well, I gotta conclude and say, many around me told me I was a hero, but I knew the truth. I am a hero who worships at the altar of Cola..... It just goes to show you, While doing a dangerous activity around me, make sure i don't have Cola near me, you never know...You might be on your own.... :(
Friday, April 23, 2010
That man's thoughts on ending an era...
They offered my job to a guy yesterday. We interviewed eight people to become the next resident director after I leave. It's so weird how I've done this twice this year. I've done interview processes for my two main jobs this year; first at Wilshire avenue community church to find a replacement for me as the worship director and now at Biola. At Wilshire, I definitely felt good about being replaced. It was something I knew as inevitable. I do feel good about this change at Biola but at the same time I've been wondering what I really feel about this.
I mean..I've been a Resident Director for nine years! I've worked with nine different teams of Resident assistants. I've known hundreds of college students. So many laughs, so many good times. A ton of hard ones too. As Aly my wife has been telling people: We moved into our apartment at Biola with a mattress, a tv and some small furniture. Now we have so much crap we don't know what to do with it all. We moved into our apartment with just two of us, now nine years later we will leave with four of us. It's a pretty big change... an ending of an era.
I think, up to yesterday, i have felt a sense of determination and a sense of: "this is right", but when yesterday hit and i was informed that they had offered my job to someone else, the pang of panic and sadness began to creep into my consciousness. It's not as if this hasn't alwasy been there, but maybe it's not been available.
Last night I was laying in bed. alyssa was snoring beside me. It was two hours after I usually go to bed. "I should be asleep by now....what the heck dude?" I began to think about how everything was really changing, that our decision to leave was now irreversible. We are leaving Biola. It's still a good thing, but it feels a little more empty, hollow and painful than it did before. I began to wonder what to do with this. I prayed: "God, how come you haven't worked out anything for us yet. It's been so quiet and now we are definitely going. We always knew we were but it just seems more final now.. and what is waiting for us?" I began to think, and maybe this was God, maybe it wasn't; I don't unequivocally claim to talk to God (I'm not Irish), "Ryan maybe the biggest task for you is to stay present to what is happening right now. Tomorrow is in God's hands, and today is where we live...today is where the ending of the Era is beginning.....I live in today " I think there is something I've been running from in this, and at the same time, I think I need to be plugged into all that this ending really means to me. An era is passing, a season of my life that has been so good, so healing and so formative, is ending. There is something honoring to staying in the moment and allowing myself to take stock of all I'm losing because I have gained so much here and have grown to love this place.
So they hired a guy to replace me. and I'm a little bummed today. but it's good to be bummed.
I mean..I've been a Resident Director for nine years! I've worked with nine different teams of Resident assistants. I've known hundreds of college students. So many laughs, so many good times. A ton of hard ones too. As Aly my wife has been telling people: We moved into our apartment at Biola with a mattress, a tv and some small furniture. Now we have so much crap we don't know what to do with it all. We moved into our apartment with just two of us, now nine years later we will leave with four of us. It's a pretty big change... an ending of an era.
I think, up to yesterday, i have felt a sense of determination and a sense of: "this is right", but when yesterday hit and i was informed that they had offered my job to someone else, the pang of panic and sadness began to creep into my consciousness. It's not as if this hasn't alwasy been there, but maybe it's not been available.
Last night I was laying in bed. alyssa was snoring beside me. It was two hours after I usually go to bed. "I should be asleep by now....what the heck dude?" I began to think about how everything was really changing, that our decision to leave was now irreversible. We are leaving Biola. It's still a good thing, but it feels a little more empty, hollow and painful than it did before. I began to wonder what to do with this. I prayed: "God, how come you haven't worked out anything for us yet. It's been so quiet and now we are definitely going. We always knew we were but it just seems more final now.. and what is waiting for us?" I began to think, and maybe this was God, maybe it wasn't; I don't unequivocally claim to talk to God (I'm not Irish), "Ryan maybe the biggest task for you is to stay present to what is happening right now. Tomorrow is in God's hands, and today is where we live...today is where the ending of the Era is beginning.....I live in today " I think there is something I've been running from in this, and at the same time, I think I need to be plugged into all that this ending really means to me. An era is passing, a season of my life that has been so good, so healing and so formative, is ending. There is something honoring to staying in the moment and allowing myself to take stock of all I'm losing because I have gained so much here and have grown to love this place.
So they hired a guy to replace me. and I'm a little bummed today. but it's good to be bummed.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Thought's on journey
I was working today, listening to pandora online when an unexpected song came on. You see I was listening to the pandora station titled "the 90's" and they played Journey's "Don't stop believing"...
Dude, this song was not written in the 90's! It was certainly played in the 90s, by the radio or by the band themselves but the song was actually released on journey's 1981 album "Escape".
Why would this guy include journey on his playlist titled "the 90's", when it is clear this song was not released in the 90s? There is only one reason I can think of.....Because this song dominated in the 90s like it did in the 80s, like it does now!!! Seriously, I work with college students nowadays. These students were born the year I turned 14 (1988)! Depressing. One of my RAs, a major hard core rock guy, told me as he walked in my apartment and heard me playing journey: "dude this band is awesome!" The old guy likes journey. The young hard core braind shredding metal head likes journey and so does the guy who made the song list on pandora!!! Because journey is the cat's pajamas! Journey is timeless. Don't stop believing is an incredible rock anthem and with some bands: they just stop at one; not journey. They have other major rockers like: Just ask the lonely; wheel in the sky; any way you want it (My kids love this one); and one of the most butt kicking rock songs of all time: separate ways (world's apart). It should be required for every human being to at least once a year, turn this song up full blast; roll the windows down in your car, scream the words along with the song, and play air guitar with your nose scrunched up, eyes squinting with each note and mouth frozen in a painful looking snarl. (editor's note: It's a rule that when you play an epic guitar solo you must look constipated. ) Not all of us can be rock gods, but with this song, we can experience otherwordly power; pumping our fists with Rock Zeus authority.... This is the gift journey gave us.. This is the gift they still give us. they rocked me today, in my tiny office! May they continue to rock hard and strong, I know they will on my ipod!!!
Dude, this song was not written in the 90's! It was certainly played in the 90s, by the radio or by the band themselves but the song was actually released on journey's 1981 album "Escape".
Why would this guy include journey on his playlist titled "the 90's", when it is clear this song was not released in the 90s? There is only one reason I can think of.....Because this song dominated in the 90s like it did in the 80s, like it does now!!! Seriously, I work with college students nowadays. These students were born the year I turned 14 (1988)! Depressing. One of my RAs, a major hard core rock guy, told me as he walked in my apartment and heard me playing journey: "dude this band is awesome!" The old guy likes journey. The young hard core braind shredding metal head likes journey and so does the guy who made the song list on pandora!!! Because journey is the cat's pajamas! Journey is timeless. Don't stop believing is an incredible rock anthem and with some bands: they just stop at one; not journey. They have other major rockers like: Just ask the lonely; wheel in the sky; any way you want it (My kids love this one); and one of the most butt kicking rock songs of all time: separate ways (world's apart). It should be required for every human being to at least once a year, turn this song up full blast; roll the windows down in your car, scream the words along with the song, and play air guitar with your nose scrunched up, eyes squinting with each note and mouth frozen in a painful looking snarl. (editor's note: It's a rule that when you play an epic guitar solo you must look constipated. ) Not all of us can be rock gods, but with this song, we can experience otherwordly power; pumping our fists with Rock Zeus authority.... This is the gift journey gave us.. This is the gift they still give us. they rocked me today, in my tiny office! May they continue to rock hard and strong, I know they will on my ipod!!!
Friday, April 16, 2010
That man's thoughts on life transitions
So this week has been quiet. This week has been torture.
It hasn't been quiet in the sense that I've had nothing to do. It was actually a very busy week, but no, it's been quiet as far as opportunities. and when opportunities dry up, the questions begin to drip on you like water torture.
You see, I'm in transition. I have been an RD for 9 years. What is an RD you ask? Well it would take a long time to explain, but suffice it to say: I live where I work, I work where I live. My job provides me with a home, and as time has gone on, we (My wife and I) have arrived at the truth that we need to leave our job. It's not that this job hasn't been good to us. I mean Shoot, I've been here nine years. No, the job has been a Godsend, but it just has become time. This means that I'm not only going to be unemployed in a couple of months but, I'm also going to be homeless. We are truly trusting that God is leading us to leave. Our hearts, confirm this. Our friends/family and trusted counselors confirm this. Shoot, the fact that both my wife and I agree on this confirms something. We are trusting God here and yet, it is true, we are in transition.
And transition is terrifying. My wife had this conversation with someone the other day who said: "Wow how exciting, now you get to see God at work and to see how he will provide and to see what he will do!!" I totally am appreciative of this sentiment and the excitement. I've actually heard the same phrase from some other people when I tell them of our situation, but to be honest I feel a millions miles away from excitement. If it was just my wife and I, I would be like: "Okay we'll find some cheap place to live, eat top ramen and beans, and just live on love man. But with two kids, there are other things to consider". I'm okay struggling, I don't want my kids to though.
I guess it comes down to this place where we are being forced to stand behind the truth of our beliefs. What I mean here is that I am really forced to ask the questions: "God, do I really believe you are there? Yes...... Do I really believe you are calling me to leave? Yes.....Do I really believe you are capable of coming through here? Yes." Well of course I do and yet, then again isn't it one thing to have a mental belief on something but then to stand on it with your life? to stake a claim on it and say: "I believe this and will trust it! I will stand on this with my family. I will risk on this."
That is what we are doing. we are in transition, staking a claim, putting our sword in the dirt next to God and saying: "Okay, here we go.....so where are we going again?"
Transition....
By the way, I think I should add that recently we turned down a job that seemed like a sure thing. This was the second job offer we turned down, because it didn't seem right. We just didn't feel confirmed that this is where God was leading. Even as I write this, I sense the sheer foolishness of what I'm saying. There's a voice inside of me saying: "dude you are a fool". But then again, isn't life full of moments that are foolish? Maybe if we spend our whole life trying not to be "fools", we end up making larger asses of ourselves than we would have otherwise. I mean, what is a fool anyways?
So we turned down another job opportunity, and though we have worked to build connections, inroads with job opportunities, right now, the conversations have gone away, the world is quiet and God feels silent. but I'm not sure if he has been.
Recently I've been given an image in my mind. A picture of the story of the Israelites as God was leaidng them in the book of Joshua. The israelites were in transition! The story tells of these men commanded to carry the ark of the covenant as they crossed the Jordan. As it goes, these men are carrying the ark of the covenant towards the river and the commandment was, they were just to keep going, that they would lead everybody and carry this ark right into the jordan river and the promise was that once their feet touched the water's edge, the jordan, which was flooding at that time of year, would suddenly part and they would walk on dry ground. Can you imagine being these dudes carrying the ark. I winder if maybe, at some point they wondered: "Hey is this really what we're supposed to be doing? Is God really there? Is he really calling us to do this? Can he really part the waters? Are we just fools?" But the story tells how the water did part.
shoot, maybe I'm a fool. Maybe it's crazy. But I wonder if we get the chance to see the waters part only when we put ourselves on the water's edge, and we pray and hope like crazy!
cuz right now, we're walking with the ark on our backs, the Jordan is swirling and rushing somewhere in front of us.
transitions.....
It hasn't been quiet in the sense that I've had nothing to do. It was actually a very busy week, but no, it's been quiet as far as opportunities. and when opportunities dry up, the questions begin to drip on you like water torture.
You see, I'm in transition. I have been an RD for 9 years. What is an RD you ask? Well it would take a long time to explain, but suffice it to say: I live where I work, I work where I live. My job provides me with a home, and as time has gone on, we (My wife and I) have arrived at the truth that we need to leave our job. It's not that this job hasn't been good to us. I mean Shoot, I've been here nine years. No, the job has been a Godsend, but it just has become time. This means that I'm not only going to be unemployed in a couple of months but, I'm also going to be homeless. We are truly trusting that God is leading us to leave. Our hearts, confirm this. Our friends/family and trusted counselors confirm this. Shoot, the fact that both my wife and I agree on this confirms something. We are trusting God here and yet, it is true, we are in transition.
And transition is terrifying. My wife had this conversation with someone the other day who said: "Wow how exciting, now you get to see God at work and to see how he will provide and to see what he will do!!" I totally am appreciative of this sentiment and the excitement. I've actually heard the same phrase from some other people when I tell them of our situation, but to be honest I feel a millions miles away from excitement. If it was just my wife and I, I would be like: "Okay we'll find some cheap place to live, eat top ramen and beans, and just live on love man. But with two kids, there are other things to consider". I'm okay struggling, I don't want my kids to though.
I guess it comes down to this place where we are being forced to stand behind the truth of our beliefs. What I mean here is that I am really forced to ask the questions: "God, do I really believe you are there? Yes...... Do I really believe you are calling me to leave? Yes.....Do I really believe you are capable of coming through here? Yes." Well of course I do and yet, then again isn't it one thing to have a mental belief on something but then to stand on it with your life? to stake a claim on it and say: "I believe this and will trust it! I will stand on this with my family. I will risk on this."
That is what we are doing. we are in transition, staking a claim, putting our sword in the dirt next to God and saying: "Okay, here we go.....so where are we going again?"
Transition....
By the way, I think I should add that recently we turned down a job that seemed like a sure thing. This was the second job offer we turned down, because it didn't seem right. We just didn't feel confirmed that this is where God was leading. Even as I write this, I sense the sheer foolishness of what I'm saying. There's a voice inside of me saying: "dude you are a fool". But then again, isn't life full of moments that are foolish? Maybe if we spend our whole life trying not to be "fools", we end up making larger asses of ourselves than we would have otherwise. I mean, what is a fool anyways?
So we turned down another job opportunity, and though we have worked to build connections, inroads with job opportunities, right now, the conversations have gone away, the world is quiet and God feels silent. but I'm not sure if he has been.
Recently I've been given an image in my mind. A picture of the story of the Israelites as God was leaidng them in the book of Joshua. The israelites were in transition! The story tells of these men commanded to carry the ark of the covenant as they crossed the Jordan. As it goes, these men are carrying the ark of the covenant towards the river and the commandment was, they were just to keep going, that they would lead everybody and carry this ark right into the jordan river and the promise was that once their feet touched the water's edge, the jordan, which was flooding at that time of year, would suddenly part and they would walk on dry ground. Can you imagine being these dudes carrying the ark. I winder if maybe, at some point they wondered: "Hey is this really what we're supposed to be doing? Is God really there? Is he really calling us to do this? Can he really part the waters? Are we just fools?" But the story tells how the water did part.
shoot, maybe I'm a fool. Maybe it's crazy. But I wonder if we get the chance to see the waters part only when we put ourselves on the water's edge, and we pray and hope like crazy!
cuz right now, we're walking with the ark on our backs, the Jordan is swirling and rushing somewhere in front of us.
transitions.....
Saturday, April 10, 2010
That man's thoughts on pressure...
Pressure.....I have friends who write blogs often. For some reason that seems to escape me, they have this ability to think up incredibly interesting and provocative material to write about multiple times a week, or even...A day. To add to that, they have this incredible confidence in their thoughts that allows them to write with...uh...confidence.
I've been watching this blog thing for a while, mostly as my wife has been posting photos and telling her followers about our life. It has often seemed like alot of work to me, maybe this is because I'm curious if I can write a blog at the same level of erudite expression as some of the others I've seen. BUT LATELY........ I've begun thinking it might be fun to give this whole blog thing a shot.
So here we go and yet I feel this pressure.. what should I write about? Calvinism versus Arminianism....Obama's new health plan.....the literary implications of Dumbledore actually being gay (according to Rowlings herself: he's gay...didn't see that coming, not that he couldn't be a powerful warlock and gay at the same time, I mean magic makes no differentiation with sexual preference)..there are so many things to write about and nothing really comes to mind except that I feel pressure...AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH Pressure!!!! But why is it I really feel this? What if this is all pure drivel? What if every time I write a blog it amounts to nothing more than tin foil on the reader's teeth? What if I never say anything important, controversial, profound or even slightly interesting? would I be thrown in jail? no...Would I be impaled, or torn apart by lions? no...not likely.. would my friends talk about me at their secret dinner parties: 'Did you hear about that man...his blogs are so poopy." Yea, that might happen. but even then, it wouldn't really be the end of the world would it? Thucydides once said:
“The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it.”
Perhaps, the future is something I cannot control, all I can do is face the pressure and write this blog thing!!! perhaps people will laugh at that man over buttery asparagus and put that man on their top 10 worst blogs on the internet.. but I cannot control it. I can only face the pressure. lean into the pressure. And write.... so begins that man's blog. i hope it doesn't suck, but heck if it really sucks then maybe i'll feel pressure to make sure it continues to suck. man why do we do this to ourselves?
I've been watching this blog thing for a while, mostly as my wife has been posting photos and telling her followers about our life. It has often seemed like alot of work to me, maybe this is because I'm curious if I can write a blog at the same level of erudite expression as some of the others I've seen. BUT LATELY........ I've begun thinking it might be fun to give this whole blog thing a shot.
So here we go and yet I feel this pressure.. what should I write about? Calvinism versus Arminianism....Obama's new health plan.....the literary implications of Dumbledore actually being gay (according to Rowlings herself: he's gay...didn't see that coming, not that he couldn't be a powerful warlock and gay at the same time, I mean magic makes no differentiation with sexual preference)..there are so many things to write about and nothing really comes to mind except that I feel pressure...AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH Pressure!!!! But why is it I really feel this? What if this is all pure drivel? What if every time I write a blog it amounts to nothing more than tin foil on the reader's teeth? What if I never say anything important, controversial, profound or even slightly interesting? would I be thrown in jail? no...Would I be impaled, or torn apart by lions? no...not likely.. would my friends talk about me at their secret dinner parties: 'Did you hear about that man...his blogs are so poopy." Yea, that might happen. but even then, it wouldn't really be the end of the world would it? Thucydides once said:
“The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it.”
Perhaps, the future is something I cannot control, all I can do is face the pressure and write this blog thing!!! perhaps people will laugh at that man over buttery asparagus and put that man on their top 10 worst blogs on the internet.. but I cannot control it. I can only face the pressure. lean into the pressure. And write.... so begins that man's blog. i hope it doesn't suck, but heck if it really sucks then maybe i'll feel pressure to make sure it continues to suck. man why do we do this to ourselves?
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