That man's thoughts on parkour.

I just recently discovered something that makes me almost instantly envious.

Parkour

What is this? It's also called "free running".
Why should I be envious of this? Yes I know it doesn't make alot of sense. Seeing as the activity called "Running" is never something I would classify as something where I feel "free". No, for the entire duration of said "Running"; I feel as if I am imprisoned by forces like gravity; and entropy (see creaky ankles Or Cankles). No Running is not free for me but...

These guys doing parkour (French for making spider man look like a fat raider fan) are running around free from the laws of gravity and reason. Just turn on youtube and type in "parkour", and you'll see what I mean; guys swinging around flying from bar to bar like spider monkeys, flipping off walls like...uh..more spider monkeys and running down the street, kicking their legs in front of them as the fly over a wall. Like a spider monkey.
They climb up the sides of buildings!! not walls, not stairs, buildings, then they run and do handstands on rooftops and jump from 30 feet up, hit the ground and roll and then...Keep running.
Every boy I know has once dreamt they could fly. Some even stood on their rooftops, with cardboard taped to their arms, jumped and flapped their wings furiously only to come crashing to earth, but somewhere along the way a little french boy jumped, hit the ground and rolled forward in a graceful somersault and he thought to himself: "Sacre bleu I Deed EEt!"
Here's the thing. I see parkour guys doing their thing and I am instantly envious. I want to run up the sides of walls! I want to swing from pole to pole and jump through thin window sills without getting stuck. I want to be able to run and look like a cheetah and I leap over tables, walls, small children, buses; alligator filled bogs; and redwoods! I want that freedom! I think something about it makes me feel more than free. It makes me feel super human! like an xmen.

What would I do if I was a parkour stud? I think i'd use it to freak people out. I walk around in a downtown area and in front of all these plebeian commonplace humans sitting out front of a coffee shop sipping their lattes I'd scream, "Aahh no, they told me it didn't have caffeine!! and then i'd go crazy and just jump over a building", or I'd be walking by a wall and start screaming: "Shut up! Shut up, i'll kick you you circus animal" then I'd kick at my imaginary foe and then scream while standing on one leg: "Let me go you fool!!!" And then run full out into a wll but right before i slam myself flat I step up, run up the wall and gracefully flip over, then I assume my stance and yell: "You're gonna have to do better than that"! Then stop and walk away.
I could do all kinds of crazy stuff with parkour!!! I'd jump off a roof and land in front of ome old women and say: "Hello...Am i here? You mean i'm back? What time is it? 5pm? You mean it took no time? It didn't exist in time?" Then i look at the sky and say: "Bye.."

As you can see, parkour is ridiculously awesome and I am super envious. unfortunately gravity, and cankles form an ominous wall between me and running free... But I'm working hard and some day i'll get there. so for now, I watch youtube Russian ninjas and try handstands when nobody is looking....in a pool. Cuz i'm parkour like that!!!